The French and Italian Rivieras

Just got back a few days ago from a 6-day trip down to the Italian and French Rivieras by car. It was all interesting, but we seriously couldn't wait to get back home to Lucerne! The main reason for these feelings was simply the heat and humidity. I guess it was a little naive and stupid to visit the beaches of the Mediterranean in the middle of Summer, but isn't that what Europeans do!? To put it bluntly, it was Brutal, with a capital B. Temps in the 90's with 80 percent humidity or so. The fact that Las Vegas' heat is more endurable because it's "dry" has become a cliche', but that doesn't mean it's not true! I will take 110 degrees with 2 percent humidity any day over 80 degrees with 80 percent humidity. I was wilting like a newspaper left out in the rain! We would get up early in the morning just so we could go out and enjoy the area a little bit, and I would still come back sweating like a dying cow! It was so hot I saw a funeral procession stop for Gelato's! It was so hot the taxi drivers were wearing oscillating turbans!

Seriously, though, it was hot and humid, in hindsight we shouldn't have gone, but we did, and it wasn't all bad. We stayed in the Cannes area for a few days and had a look around. I will say a quick negative about Cannes right now and get it over with: it is really overrated. I honestly don't know what all the mega-rich people in the world who frequent these places find interesting or appealing. It has all the same shops and types of boutiques, cafes and restaurants that one can find in any popular tourist area, the beaches are second-rate and cost a fortune for the privilege of sitting on them, as already mentioned the weather is brutal in the summer, and for the most part the town is dirty, poorly-maintained, over-priced, and unattractive, with a few exceptions. That's it for the negative.

We had a nice resort hotel off the beaten path a little ways, but still not far from the interesting bits. We had a great buffet breakfast every morning included in the price, a nice room with a balcony and a view of the pool, the city, and the Med, and free parking! For those of you who have never been to Europe, free parking here, anywhere here, is almost unheard of, like an Urban Myth. In Europe, you have to pay to park at the grocery store! So anyway, it was nice, other than a few glitches at check-in, which in countries like France and Italy are to be expected. First of all, they "lost" our reservation, which took a bit of sorting, but resulted in an upgrade for us. No probs there. Then, as soon as that matter was settled, the power to the hotel went out! We left our heavy luggage at the desk, walked up five flights of stairs in the stultifying darkness, and fumbled our way to our room. Twenty minutes or so later...after unpacking and arranging every thing...the power came back on, and the front desk manager knocked on our door to inform us that we were given the wrong room, and would have to move a few doors down the hall! Fortunately, he was very nice and apologetic, we still got a great room with a view, and my wife, having dealt with situations in countries like this before, was very understanding. If this had happened in America, she would have been contacting the local TV stations to schedule a news conference, and a lawyer to initiate a negligence lawsuit! Just kidding! (a little). The rest of our stay was smooth and relaxing, not including the humidity.

One little aside here: what is up with the shower configurations in France, Italy, and some other parts of Europe??? Let me give you a bit of background; you step into the bathroom to take a shower, and lo and behold, there is no shower curtain, and even better, there is no sliding or hinged glass door that closes off the shower area to prevent water from splattering all over the rest of the bathroom! What is there, you ask? There is a very narrow, head-high glass partition starting from the wall on which the shower head is affixed, which runs for about a foot and a half along the edge of the bathtub. This is about as effective in keeping water from splashing all over the rest of the bathroom as holding your hands above your head is effective in keeping you dry in a rainstorm. At least it provides a little comic relief in the lengths and contortions you have to go through in trying to keep the bathroom relatively dry.

The yachts are really incredible in Cannes and other parts of the French coast, just amazing multi-million dollar beauties, huge, with every amenity and luxury you can think of, and staffs to operate and take care of them. I thought that I saw Paul Allen's yacht, the Octopus, but when I googled it I realized it was a different ship. This is what my brother should have done with his career. I think he would have made an excellent crew member of one of these luxury yachts, he could have learned how to do everything on them, even become a captain, and who knows the people he would have met and rubbed elbows with? He could have travelled all over the world, met tons of interesting, and sometimes very rich, people, and who knows what opportunities he might have encountered? His personality and work ethic would have fit perfectly into this occupation, and that is not mean in any way as an insult, but rather a complement.

I think I may have mentioned on a couple of occasions that there are a lot of grumpy old people in Switzerland. This is true, although to be fair maybe this is one reason why Switzerland is so clean, perfectly groomed and maintained, and why it has so little crime. And to be honest, there just seems to be a lot of old people everywhere in Europe, and nowhere more than on the French Riviera! There are so many sun-baked old codgers here it looks like a convention for the California Raisins. There are literally thousands of often dilapidated, and often not, old apartment buildings filled with little old people soaking up the heat and humidity and whiling away their sunset years. Just like Miami Beach in the seventies and eighties. And they all walk around with little dogs on leashes, or in their handbags. To own a little lap dog that you take everywhere with you is de rigeur on the Riviera, you cannot be 'somebody' without one.

I've often wondered how there can be so many eating and coffee drinking establishments in Europe that survive financially. Everywhere you go in Europe, there is cafe after cafe, restaurant after restaurant, of all different sizes, shapes, levels of quality, and types of offerings. It's same in Italy and France, but the number of little 'hole in the walls' is much higher. There is an endless number of places to just grab a cup of espresso, many without even places to sit! You just walk up to a little bar or counter built into a wall, nothing else there, order a tiny doll-sized espresso shot, knock it back, and go on about your business. The French and Italians love their caffeine, the stronger the better. They are absolutely addicted. Coffee here is so strong it will curl your toes and scour out your insides. It's so strong that when you drink it, it'll wake up your neighbors. You can strip paint with it, it will make you lose control and make violent gestures. So how can all of these places to grab a bite or a drink of something survive? Much of the time, they seem to be empty, with the waiters and hosts just standing around smoking cigarettes. A far cry from many American restaurants, with their 40+ minute wait times for a table! I can't imagine that many of these places rent out on the cheap. Have they just been owned by the same family for so many hundreds of years that they don't need much business? Or are their markups so high that they only need a few customers each day? Honestly, though, it's a good thing the waiters are on a salary, cause they can't be making much in tips! In some places, they have people, whether they are the owners, managers, or employees, out roaming the sidewalks in front of their establishments trying to waylay people to sit down and order something. An example: My wife and I are cruising along a walkway, checking out the stores and quietly minding our own business, and suddenly a man jumps out at us and says, "Heya, how are you doin', it's a gooda evening fora some drinks and pasta, no? Sit here and look at thisa menu, and I'll bring you whatever you wanta, yes?" Us: "No thanks, we're not really hungry right now, maybe a little later, but thanks." Him: "Heya, this opportunity is too good to pass upa, here's a menu, here's a waiter, here's a table, and drinks are on the waya. Bon Apetito!" And before we know it, we're sitting at a table with something we don't remember ordering in front of us. Amazing.


Speaking of cigarettes, have I mentioned that Europeans like to smoke? Kind of like saying the rest of the world likes to breathe. Some countries here are worse than others, and France is one of the worst. Everyone smokes here, no kidding. We were walking down the street one day in Cannes, and we both look ahead at the same time so see a women well along in her pregnancy strolling along the street, with complete confidence and lack of self-consciousness, smoking a cigarette. In the middle of the sidewalk, on a busy day in Cannes. I was gobsmacked. Never in my life have I seen a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette. I know that 40 years or more ago this was not uncommon, but now? I can only imagine what would happen if this were to occur in the States. There would be a riot. The lady would probably be arrested and thrown into jail, and when the baby was born it would be taken away and given to more 'worthy' parents.


After Cannes, we headed on down the road towards Italy, with a very cool stop off in Eze. Eze is an awesome French medieval village perched on a round hilltop, looking out over the splendid Med. You have to park at the bottom of the hill and walk up, as there are no cars allowed in the village, and no room for them in any event. It's a major tourist stop, but still really beautiful and interesting, and I'm really glad we did it. It consists of a lot of narrow, winding walkways and stairways, wandering up, down, through, and around the village, with everything being built from the native rock, beautiful archways, buildings, flowers, and peekaboo views lurking around every bend. Also lots of little shops, cafes, and restaurants. We didn't stay too long here, but we took lots of pictures, and it went a long way towards making our trip much more worthwhile. Here's a few more pics of Cannes and Eze, followed by a bit more blog on Italy:











Let me start with saying that Italy reminds me a lot of Mexico.......but not as nice. We drove along the coast from Cannes on down to Genoa, thinking and imagining that it would be a charming, beautiful Italian city with awesome shopping and incredible old buildings built around an historic port. The only part that turned out at as we imagined was that it definitely was built around an historic port. As to the rest, I would have traded it with Tijuana any day. Italy is really a third-world country trying to masquerade as something else. If you get out of the city, though, the country becomes much nicer. The smaller towns and villages are much prettier, and much better-kept, and that seems to be where most of the money is. Portofino, Santa Margherita, and on down the coast, are very nice. The cities, at least in the north, are teeming cesspools, overflowing with stinking humanity, and exhibiting tendencies of a disturbed ant hill on cocaine. The old town of Genoa, close to the harbor, was extremely interesting, and extremely tragic. Absolutely filthy, dilapidated, surreal in its medieval poverty, I could barely believe I was in Italy and not in some African or Caribbean city. And again, even more brutally hot and humid than Cannes. We cut our visit short.


The freeway system is wonderfully fascinating in Italy and France. They are all toll roads, and instead of efficiently charging a one time fee every year like they do in Switzerland and most of the more northerly European countries, they make you stop about every ten kilometers, or every time you change freeways or exit, in order to stand in a long line with 5 thousand other cars while waiting to pay your fee at a toll gate. It almost makes driving on the old country roads faster, and it really makes you have an even more endearing feeling for the place, especially when the automated toll booths malfunction, or when someone dumber than average can't figure out how to operate them. Gosh, I really miss them! You also have to be sure and have plenty of cash on hand, because to drive about 100 miles cost around 20 euros. We spent twice as much in a week to drive in Italy and France as we do in Switzerland for a year pass, and the roads weren't as nice. In the cities, there are millions of mopeds and scooters, very few traffic lines on the streets, and apparently no traffic laws. People, especially on the scooters, drive wherever and however they want. It is complete chaos, survival of the fittest. A very far cry from the calm order of Switzerland's roads. On top of this, our hotel was bare bones, it stank, and it turned out to be located in an abandoned warehouse district. The breakfast wasn't too bad, though, and they did give us a refund for our cancelled last night. Parts of the port weren't too shabby, we saw a cool old replica of a war galleon, and visited a second-rate aquarium. My brother probably would have liked it. He would say it had grit and personality, or character, that it was "real". I just get tired of wiping "personality" off my shoes, and when a pigeon passes over, out of my hair. It wasn't all bad, but it was far from good, and we were ultimately pretty disappointed in Italy. But hey, it was another interesting learning experience in the journey of life. Next blog I will write a little about our great Black Forest and Europa park trip, and our fantastic expedition to the Eiger, Monch, and Jungfrau peaks in the Swiss Alps. We're doing so many things that I can't keep up! Here's a few more pics of Italy.